Smiles All Around

A Good Laugh or Smile For You

Smiles All around

Some days, you just need to smile.

Below is a list of puns I stole from a FaceBook post.

Enjoy and SMILE!

  1. The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you’d be in Seine.

21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, ‘I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.’

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says ‘Dam!’

23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, ‘I’ve lost my electron.’ The other says ‘Are you sure?’ The first replies, ‘Yes, I’m positive.’

25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Have a GREAT day!

Ed

Glass, Lake, Salt — Become a Lake

Become A Lake

One day I was having a leisurely breakfast in a diner when I met a young man called Mike who appeared to be in great emotional pain. I talked to him trying to help him feel better to no avail. He was obviously unhappy and despondent and nothing I could say appeared to give him any relief.

Then James, an ancient automobile mechanic next door, walked in for his morning coffee. Everyone called James the old Master because he always knew what to say to people in most situations.

I asked James if he could talk to Mike and help him. He worked a miracle without even asking Mike what it was he appeared to be in such emotional distress over. Anyone could see Mike was grieving over some wrong.

James instructed an unhappy young man to put a handful of salt in a glass of water and then drink it.

“How does it taste?” James, the old Master, asked.

“Not good at all,” spat Mike.

James laughed and then asked the young man to take another handful of salt and put it into a nearby lake.

The two walked in silence to the lake. When Mike swirled his handful of salt into the lake, James paused and said, “Now drink from the lake.”

As the water dripped down the young man’s chin, James asked, “How does it taste?”

“Good!” remarked Mike.

“Do you taste the salt?”

“No,” said the young man.

James then sat beside this troubled young man and said, “The pain of life is pure salt, no more, no less. The amount of pain in life remains the same. But the amount we taste that pain depends on the container we put it into. So when you are in pain, the only thing you can do is to enlarge your sense of things. Stop being a glass. Become a lake.”

“Become a lake!”

Thank you for reading.

Ed

Finding Inspiration — The Day a Waffle Iron Changed Running Forever

Do you know why there is an ordinary old waffle iron — pulled out of a backyard garbage pit and now broken and brown with rust — sits displayed in a protective case like the Hope Diamond in Prefontaine Hall in Oregon?

The answer has nothing to do with breakfast food.

In 1971, college track coach Bill Bowerman’s team was having a heck of time adapting to the relatively new (and expensive) urethane track that had been installed at the University of Oregon.

Traditional metal spikes were ripping it up and athletes struggled to keep their traction.

Bowerman became obsessed with searching for alternatives that wouldn’t destroy their new track and could work on other surfaces, like dirt, grass, and bark chips.

He looked for inspiration anywhere he could find it.

He constantly asked his wife Barbara to search through her jewelry for anything “that had stars on them or things that we thought would indent or make a pattern on the soles.”

One Sunday morning. Barbara decided to stay home from church to help Bill find an answer to this perplexing question. So she started making breakfast on an old waffle iron that was a wedding gift back in 1936, distinctive for its old-fashioned Art Deco design.

The epiphany came as Barbara was serving her husband breakfast.

Bill saw one of the waffles come out of the iron. He looked at the pattern on the underside of one of the waffles and thought, you know, if I turn this waffle upside down, revealing where the waffle part would meet the track — I think that might work.

He got up from the table and rushed into his lab and got two cans of whatever it is you pour together to make the urethane and poured them into the waffle iron.

In his excitement, Bowerman forgot to spray a nonstick substance into the waffle iron. Unable to open the waffle iron back up, Bowerman abandoned it and went into town to fetch new waffle irons for his experiment. Barbara, meanwhile, threw out the now-ruined wedding gift.

Seven years earlier, Bowerman had entered into a handshake agreement with one of his former track athletes Phil Knight, to start an athletic footwear distribution company called Blue Ribbon Sports.

The company, you’ll excuse the pun, had very little traction in the sporting goods industry. No one seemed aware of them.

They changed their name and paid a freelance graphic designer $35 logo to design their logo.

The new name was Nike. And a simple, distinctive swoosh became their new logo.

“I don’t love it,” Knight told the graphic designer, “but I think it will grow on me.”

Nike launched their new shoe with the waffle iron-inspired sole.

Embraced not only by passionate runners but also, as Time magazine put it, “the army of weekend jocks suffering from bruised feet,” the Waffle Trainer became a part of American history and cemented Nike’s place as the iconic brand it is today.

Bill Bowerman became a shoe legend; Knight pronounced him in his memoir as “the Daedalus of sneakers.”

Some years later, the Bowermans’ son Tom was digging alongside the house and came across a curious looking pit of forgotten belongings that never quite made it to the landfill. Included in the pile were crudely cobbled-together shoes, old prototype metal plates, cracking rubber soles, peeling molds …

… and one rusty old waffle iron.

In 2011, Nike’s self-proclaimed “Holy Grail” was put on display in Prefontaine Hall, where it has remained ever since.

Says Nike historian Scott Reames: “It’s a perfect example of how we find innovation, where we look for it, how it can come from the most mundane or unlikely sources. That’s an important message; we can find inspiration in literally anything.”

Suggested link: Nike shoes on Amazon

Right Wing White Supremacists meet Letty Davenport

John Sanford strikes again with a new series

One of my favorite authors has done it again with the start of a brand-new series featuring Letty Davenport, the adopted daughter of his main protagonist in the Prey series, Lucas Davenport.

In The Investigator, young, twenty something Letty Davenport, an aide to a powerful Senator yearns for something different. The Senator assigns her to the Department or Homeland Security to investigate why someone is stealing stolen oil. She then becomes mixed up with a bizarre group of American, white supremacist terrorists who have a monstrous plot envisioned. Letty uncovers the plot piece by piece and soon finds herself with her sidekick, an special operator, Kaiser, in the center of the action.

You can check it out here.

I am a fan of John Sanford and read every adult fiction novel he has written including

— — The Prey series featuring Lucas Davenport

— — Computer expert and sometimes criminal Joe Kidd novels

— — The hippie detective, Virgil Flowers novels

(Note: Links are amazon affiliate links)

If you have not experienced the enjoyment of reading first-class detective novels with compelling protagonists and intriguing plots, then I recommend you check out John Sanford’s books.

Thanks for reading.

MAR – the “Snake” is ready for Memorial Day and summer. Are You?

A look behind the veil at an Iranian fighter pilot

Exciting Read for Memorial Day and Summer

Mar is an Iranian fighter pilot who appreciates the way America honors its fallen war heroes. Even though the United States is an enemy of Iran, “Mar” (the Farsi word for snake) is an honorable man who values military abilities and realizes that his opponents in aerial combat are well trained and honorable people themselves.

Mar’s father was the most highly decorated fighter pilot in the 1980s Iraq/Iran war who received acclaim because of his 14 aerial victories against Iraqi fighter pilots. After “Mar” demonstrated he had inherited his father’s flying genes, his father provided him with some tips and strategies to help him become a better fighter pilot.

He is a true warrior, and like the character, “Maverick” in the new Top Gun movie, he avoids promotion because he knows the promotion will come with a desk job and effectively end his flying career.

If you have ever wanted to look behind the scenes about what a warrior from Iran feels and thinks and some information about his family life, you can read this digital short story (available from several digital retailers) or Amazon. (Note the Amazon link is an affiliate link)

There is another option.

For an even more exciting read this Memorial Day or this summer, Mar’s story is embedded within the full-length novel, Redemption (Amazon affiliate link).

With Redemption, you can read the digital book for free with Kindle Unlimited or order a print book to read while lying on the beach or relaxing in a chair during your summer vacation.

Hemingway Wins a Bet – The Shortest Story

The Shortest Story

One day Ernest Hemingway was having lunch with friends and they were talking about the importance of writing with brevity.

Hemingway bet everyone at the table ten dollars each that he could craft an entire story in six words.

After the pot was assembled, Hemingway took a napkin and wrote down the following six words:

“For sale: baby shoes, never worn.”

Everyone paid up without saying a word.

***

Thanks for reading. This is an old story worth repeating.

Recommended Reading (This is an affiliate link) Hemingway on Writing

The Empty Boat — Dealing With Anger

The following story I found on the Internet gives us a way recognize the source of anger.

****

A monk decides to meditate alone, away from his monastery.

He takes his boat out to the middle of the lake, moors it there, closes his eyes and begins his meditation.

After a few hours of undisturbed silence, he suddenly feels the bump of another boat colliding with his own.

With his eyes still closed, he senses his anger rising, and by the time he opens his eyes, he is ready to scream at the boatman who dared to disturb his meditation.

But when he opens his eyes, he sees it’s an empty boat that had probably got untethered and floated to the middle of the lake.

At that moment, the monk achieves self-realization. He understands that the anger is within him — it merely needed the bump of an external object to provoke it out of him.

From then on, whenever he came across someone who irritated him or provoked him to anger, he reminded himself, “The other person is merely an empty boat. The anger is within me.”

****

Thank you for reading.

The next time I get angry, I hope I can remember this little piece of wisdom.

Teamwork

Teamwork

I like to wrote about the endurance of the human spirit.

Below is a story I found on the Internet. I hope you enjoy it.

….

During World War II, Ed Sullivan asked comedian and actor Jimmy Durante to entertain a group of soldiers who had just gotten back from the war and were temporarily staying on Ellis Island.

Jimmy said he would but he only had time for a short performance because he had to catch a ferry in time to do his radio show back in New York.

But when Jimmy got on stage, something interesting happened…

He went through a short monologue and then stayed.

The applause grew louder and louder and he kept staying. Pretty soon, he had been on for a full 30 minutes.

Finally he took a last bow, and left the stage. Backstage someone stopped him and said, “I thought you had to go after a few minutes. What happened?”

“Well, I did have to go,” he answered, “but let me show you the reason I stayed. You can see for yourself if you’ll look down on the front row.“

In the front row were two men, each of whom had lost an arm in the war. One had lost his right arm, and the other had lost his left. Together, they were able to clap, and that’s exactly what they were doing, loudly and cheerfully.

Now that is teamwork in action.

Overcoming the “Dark Night of the Soul” Series — Part Ten — Why Fearing Mistakes Holds You Back And Is The Greatest Mistake Of All

Believe In Yourself 

Many people are afraid of making mistakes when they attempt to do something. Some are so petrified of making a mistake that they are afraid of trying something new, afraid of expanding their skill set because they are afraid of doing it incorrectly and making a mistake. They’re afraid of the embarrassment of making the mistake in front of others, and they’re afraid of possible ridicule they may experience from making that mistake in front of others. However, allowing yourself to not try anything new, going through new experiences, and learning new skills is a recipe for holding you back from your greatest potential and is the greatest mistake of all that you can make.

When you shy away from trying anything new, you’re limiting your own potential and your own ability to handle things. It also limits your ability to achieve accomplishments you set out to do, as well as limits you from achieving your best possible self. Who knows what you can accomplish if you are willing to try new things. You may learn you have an innate ability to produce something or handle something that could help the world, but if you are afraid to try an activity or two that involves this skill, you may never discover it, and the world at large will suffer because of your fear to try the new activity that could reveal your hidden skill.

Additionally, you are denying yourself of your true potential by being afraid of taking on new challenges and activities. You think you are protecting yourself from fear, embarrassment, and ridicule by avoiding doing new tasks whenever possible, but in truth, you are just hiding behind the usual tasks you know you can do well because it’s safe and comfortable. Virtually every great person has had to get out of their comfort zone to find out what they truly excel at and make their lives meaningful and great.

Sure, you can go life just doing the mundane tasks you know you can do well, but will that truly fulfill you? Will you truly be happy? Will you achieve your best ability by just doing the mundane tasks you know you can do well? Very likely, you will not. Unfortunately, you’ll never know your real self and your truest, highest potential if you don’t try new activities that expand your skill set and help you to grow as an individual. Therefore, shying away from new activities out of fear, embarrassment, and/or ridicule is the greatest mistake you can make and the greatest obstacle to you reaching your truest, fullest potential.

Overcoming the “Dark Night of the Soul” Series — Part Nine — Why Trying New Activities/Challenges Is A Great Learning Experience

This is Part Nine of a Ten Part series on how to overcome the depressing “Dark Night of the Soul” that people experience

Most people get nervous when they try new activities or challenges. Some people get so anxious and apprehensive about it that they attempt to avoid trying any new activities or challenges whenever and wherever possible. Unfortunately, that approach helps to limit their growth as an individual because it’s trying new activities and challenges that really help you to grow as an individual, achieve your truest potential, and really make the greatest impact on the world. Additionally, you also receive the best benefits (fame, fortune, recognition, etc.) from making the greatest impact on the world, but that only comes from growing as an individual through trying new activities/challenges.

When you try a new activity or challenge, you are stepping outside of your comfort zone to learn something new and improve your skill set. You are looking to improve yourself by going through the experience and learning the process. Chances are high that you will make some mistakes along the way; the process of making mistakes is also a learning experience. Some people shy away from making mistakes out of fear or because they are afraid that they will be embarrassed or ridiculed for making them, but in truth, making mistakes is part of the learning process that helps us to grow as individuals and to better ourselves. This is how we learn to achieve our truest and greatest potential.

Virtually no one achieves their greatest potential just doing the same tasks day after day, not experimenting with or experiencing anything new. Sometimes, you have to step outside of doing the ordinary, comfortable things in order to see things from a new light or perspective that enables you to find a better way to do the same, ordinary things or even to create something new that can make life better for many.

By trying new challenges/experiences, you can learn a new skill set, plus you learn more about yourself and your ability to handle and rebound from difficulty when you likely make a mistake or two during the process. Life doesn’t go smoothly that often; part of adjusting to and making the most out of life is to be able to overcome difficulties and still producing at a high level. Going through new challenges and experiences can help you to gain a new perspective on things, learn to overcome difficulties or challenges (especially unexpected ones), and boost your self-confidence to where you are confident you can handle unexpected difficulties and be able to achieve your greatest potential.